Singlish
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*Story 1*
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper : Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?
Ah Chek : Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to ‘yeo’ (waist) only, where got
up to the ‘nee’ ( breast) one?
*Story 2*
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian’s place to show it
to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car
to his girlfriend.
"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver’s seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post. "Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah!
Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor,
"R" for racing mah!"*
*Story 3*
The Titanic was sinking, and there weren’t enough lifeboats.
So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters
to make room for women and children.
To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It’s the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It’s the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren’t budging until he came
up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
*Story 4*
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to
collect underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah! Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March…..One month one.
*Story 5*
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted
the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng
buys bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told
them to re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a
bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in
order to calm them down. Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager
found out that Ah Bengs actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody"
by the Righteous Brothers.
*Story 6*
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to
get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see
the number 20 down to number 2.
It was then followed by a G. As they not
English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G
mean.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G.
When they
finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked
the first Ah Lian, "Wah low!!!, how you know one?"
The first Ah Lian reply smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah…"
*Story 7*
Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided
to apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm"
During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh’s resume, thinks
for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with
my wife."
And went off to discuss Santa’s application with his wife. Lee KY’s
wife said, "C’mon, don’t you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames
beginning with ‘Lee’ only? Of course, we can’t hire Santa Singh!"
So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request
for another interview and Lee KY said, ‘Look Santa, I have already told you
that we only hire…….’
when Santa Singh interrupted him and said, ‘I know, I know. I have just
changed my name.
*Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in* surprise and asked, "What is your
new name then?"
On this, Santa Singh replied,
‘Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!’ (Manga-Lee)
